In the world news, our “ally” in the War on Terror, Pakistan, (Ally, loosely defined as country that harbors the Taliban, but isn’t actively blowing us up) which just happens to be a country filled with crazy Muslim extremists, and armed with nuclear weapons, is imploding. Musharraf has declared some crazy state of emergency, and the whole country has gone bug nuts. Yep, bug nuts with nukes, in a country smack dab between a bunch of other whackadoos, where a couple hundred thousand of our troops are stationed.
This of course, isn’t important enough to headline the actual news, because there are more important things going on, like how Paris Hilton says she wants to have puppies, or something, hell if I know. I only scan the regular news so I can have something to complain about on my blog. If there is anybody out there that gets all of their information from TV or cable news, I weep for you.
In national news, we had another Republican debate last night. People keep asking me who I support for the nomination, and at this point in time, I’ve got to answer, “Please God, anyone, and I mean anyone, other than that Reptoid of the Hollow Earth, piece of floating poo, Mayor of Gomorrah, Rudy “Reasonable Restrictions” Guilliani.”
Do all of the others suck too? Yes, in various ways. But I don’t think any of them are quite as spine-chillingly evil. How can you say that the 2nd Amendment is an individual right, and in the next line say that means we can have reasonable restrictions left up to local jurisdictions, like that shining beacon of all that Republicans stand for, New York?
He says he’s in favor of jurisdictions setting their own rules, so that people that live in cesspools of crime and corruption can be disarmed, and us redneck hicks out in flyover country can do whatever we want. Except for when the mayors of those various septic tanks decide to sue us because of their crime problems. And I’m supposed to believe this man, and turn control of the BATF over to him?
So basically, what he’s saying is that he doesn’t really care what the Constitution means, because people like him are going to do whatever they want anyway. And that is just guns, which because of who I am, and what I do, tends to be the single issue that I’m the most sensitive about. He sucks on everything else too.
“But Mitt Romney hired an illegal alien!” Oh yeah, because that is so much worse than declaring your whole friggin’ city a free for all “sanctuary” so that you can bring in flocks of illegal aliens and provide them all with taxpayer funded abortions. I can’t stand Mitt Romney either, the electable in Kennedy Land hypocrite, mostly because he makes my entire religion look dumb, but there does seem to be just a trifle of difference between the two.
Though this will all be a foregone conclusion, and in the end, won’t matter at all. Chuck Norris has come out and endorsed Mike Huckabee. Chuck Norris has spoken. I have to vote for Huckabee now, because I’m afraid that Chuck Norris will round house kick me in the spleen, through the Diebold voting machine, if I push any other buttons.
In state news, there was some football game between local colleges that is supposed to be a big deal. I haven’t actually watched a football game in five years. Apparently the team from the area with worst freeway traffic won. Hoo ray.
In other state news, veteran news anchor, Dick Norse has retired. I only bring this up for one reason. He did a report a long time ago about a story I was involved in. And his delivery about the story was just so damn deadpan that it was hilarious. Back in my early twenties, I got fired from a food factory. The place was a filthy mess, and when they did something absurdly dangerous, I’m talking silly, Mr. Burns level of cartoonish super-villainy. (this is the short version, if they did what they were planning on doing, there was serious potential for some innocent people to get badly injured) I called them on it. So they fired me. So I reported them to the FDA. The inspectors showed up, took one look around, said “holy shit!” and closed the place down. But that wasn’t enough for me, because I was a vindictive jerk (even back then, more so now) so I called every news station and paper in the state.
But I had the news report on tape for a long time. For those of you that live in Utah, try to imagine the dignified voice of Dick Norse saying “The following items were found in the food. Rat droppings, oil, raw sewage, broken glass, small animal footprints…” and it went on for like a minute straight. It was priceless.
In local news, today is my second to last day as a corporate stooge. After five years of living in a cubicle crunching numbers for a mega-corporation, I’m about done. As of Friday afternoon, I’m on my own. Now I’m a full time Gun Monger.
I won’t lie and say that it has been fun, but really, the company that I’ve worked for has been pretty decent to me. As far as jobs go, it beat everything else I’ve done in my life for money. I still hate working with cows. If I never have to milk a cow again, I’ll be a happy man.
I’ll save my ranting about the suckitude of being a minor cog in a mega-corporation for another day, but overall, I got paid (okay) to sit on my butt, and make spreadsheets all day. Selling guns and teaching people how to shoot defensively is much more rewarding. Writing stuff and getting paid for it is even better. The downside is that the buck stops with me. A bad month means I don’t get paid. (subliminal message, BUY MY BOOK!)
So now the great self-employed adventure begins.
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