Movie Review: The Slaughter

The Slaughter http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0498386/

 

Okay, it is a cheesy, dumb, low-budget, wannabe Evil Dead.  That said, as a B-Movie geek, I enjoyed it. 

 

It starts out dumb, with the opening credit montage consisting primarily of naked chicks and chanting that sounds vaguely like “Cthula F’tagen something or other”.  Then it fast forwards to a scene that I think is supposed to be in the 40s, but it doesn’t really matter, then we skip ahead to the present day where we meet our cast of stereotypes that you know are going to get killed by the “ancient evil”. 

 

The acting was pretty bad, but that is half the fun of B-Movies.  Some of the line delivery was painful, but there were actually a few bright spots.  We then proceed into a bunch of predictable ancient evil movie clichés.  And I don’t know about you guys, but when I’m in a derelict house with strange goings on, the first thing I want to do is take a nice steamy bath.  The movie is really slow for awhile, but then it picks up for the final act. 

 

The reason I actually enjoyed this was because of some of the dialog, and a few of the characters.  The main girl really couldn’t emote her way out of a paper bag, but she had some excellent lines, and a few good scenes.  I think this movie grew on me when the final survivors are trying to come up with a plan, and they start going through various clichés about how there has to be a magic charm, because there is always a magic charm. 

 

There’s minimal gore, and what there is isn’t particularly convincing.  Some of the effects made me laugh out loud.  It isn’t a great or a classic, but it is a good way to kill an evening with B grade cheese.  I would rate this one above average, but nothing to get super excited about.

 

So if you’re a B-Movie nerd, rent it.  If you prefer movies where Robert Redford stares plaintively at the camera and talks about global warming or the war in Iraq or some crap, I don’t know why you’re still reading, because I guarantee that this movie will just offend your tender sensibilities.  

Roleplaying in CCW classes

I taught a CCW class last night at Cabelas.  It was a good class, but I had a really hard time.  I’ve got a cut on the roof of my mouth, which I don’t really know how it got there, unless I was eating tortilla chips with a little too much enthusiasm, and it is all swollen, so it hurts to talk.  So then I got to go talk for 5 hours straight.  Thank goodness for Oragel.  The downside is, of course, uncontrollable salivation as soon as you use the stuff.  Oh well. 

 

I love teaching CCW.  I do it a little different than many of the other Utah instructors.  The packet we get from the state, which lists what we have to talk about it really kind of dumb.  We’re required to talk about a lot of silly, extraneous things, but the actual part about the legalities of shooting people is just a tiny little portion.  There is more in the packet about how to clean your gun, than there is about when it is justifiable to shoot somebody.

 

I get through 95% of the packet in the first half of the class.  I then spend the next 2 ½ hours going over the legal and tactical aspects of shooting somebody.  The one thing that I do, that I’ve not seen any other local instructor do, is a role playing session. 

 

Basically, I send one student out of the room, wearing a rubber gun.  Then I set up a scenario inside the room, brief the student in the hall, and then when they walk in, they have to act like it is real life.  They talk like they really would.  Draw the gun when they really would.  Shoot when they really would.  Sometimes they should just walk away.  Then we discuss, as a class, the legality and the tactical soundness of their decisions. 

 

It sounds kind of silly, and people are laughing at first, but then as it goes on, the reality starts to sink in, and then the learning starts.  Usually at the point when I tell the student something along the lines of “and if this was real life, you would be dead” or “and now is when you would go to prison”.  And that’s when the real fun begins.

 

The reason I do this, is because everybody learns differently.  I can stand in front of a class, and jabber on for hours about what to do, but some folks don’t learn by listening, they have to see it occur.  It helps them to change their frame of reference, and also to break out of any mental roadblocks they’ve set for themselves.

 

See, when I say mental roadblocks, one of the weaknesses we have as gun carrying types, is that we imagine “our gunfight”.  We tend to have this preconceived idea set in our heads about what “our gunfight” is going to be.  It unfolds a different way for everyone, and sadly, for some folks, it resembles a Die Hard movie.  So when somebody brings up a point that doesn’t fit in your predetermined scenario, you tend to discard that point.

 

For example, some people tend to think that they’re going to have plenty of time to access their gun when the bad stuff happens.  So it is okay to carry chamber empty, or it is okay to carry in some absurdly slow to draw from holster, because in “their gunfight” they’ve imagined that they’re going to have plenty of time.  Sometimes these people even believe that they’ll be able to shoot the badguy in the leg, or some other nonsense.

 

So I do one scenario (don’t want to give away too many details, because I like surprises), where it unfolds extremely rapidly, and turns into a Tueller drill against a crazy, knife wielding assailant.  For those of you who don’t know, a Tueller drill is to demonstrate how far away somebody can be with a contact weapon, and still have the Opportunity to cause you serious bodily harm. 

 

Basically, you interrupt something very bad going down, you’ve got about 2 seconds to process this while an extremely large man screams at you, then charges you with a knife from about 21 feet away.  I play the badguy in this one, and I gut about 90% of the students like a fish, before they’re able to get a shot off. 

 

Somebody with a contact weapon can cover A LOT of ground way faster than you would think.

 

The folks that have predetermined that they’re going to have plenty of time are usually pretty shook up.  One fellow that was determined, all through class, that he was going to carry chamber empty “for safety” actually managed to draw the gun from his holster and fling it up into the air.   That was a good learning opportunity.

 

I have a certain list of scenarios that I use every class.  Each one is different, but each is designed to drive home a few certain points.  Some of them, the point is to be very careful what you chose to get involved in.  One scenario is based on a true story, and involves the student seeing a person being beaten up by two thugs (one of whom immediately demonstrates that he is armed with a handgun). 

 

In this one, if the student keeps on walking, survival rate is 100%.  Fully half the class keeps on walking.  The other half of the class chooses to intervene.  90% of those that intervene end up getting shot.  This is usually pretty eye opening for a lot of would be heroes. 

 

I’m not trying to dissuade somebody from wanting to help others in need.  Frankly, it would be rather presumptuous of me to assume that anything I tell you in a couple of hours is going to change your moral fiber.  All of my students are at least 21 years old, and they’re responsible adults.  They are who they are. 

 

But at least I can convey the seriousness of what they’re contemplating, and if they are the heroic type, hopefully I can get them to make the tactical decisions necessary to maximize their chances of surviving.  

 

I love role playing, but it does have its weaknesses as a teaching tool.  A few of the scenarios have the potential to go wrong.  Sometimes a student does something so totally unexpected that the actors don’t know how to respond.  Sometimes I need to enlist other students as actors, and some of them are better actors than others.  On that note, I’ve got a lot of practice playing a rapist, murderer, mugger, psychopath, or brutish thug, so I’m very convincing.  Plus I’m huge and frankly look a lot like a young Tony Soprano, so if anybody is casting… you know, I’m just throwing that out there.

 

If I have a married couple in class, I’ll often enlist them for a little good old fashioned domestic violence.  However some of my students are just too nice, and rather than expecting him to beat his wife, you’re expecting them to stop their exceedingly mild argument, and bake you cookies.  On the other hand, I’ve had some married couples, where the husband came off as such an abusive scumbag, that being totally honest, even as the instructor, and knowing what bad thing is going to happen to next, I would have gotten involved. 

 

I love teaching CCW.

  

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